the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
