I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
