You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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