Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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