so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
