Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
