: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
