I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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