ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
