i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
