Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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