Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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