so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
