Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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