John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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