Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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