you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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