i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
