And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
