Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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