Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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