Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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