I need to stop coming to work sober
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
