A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize