Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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