Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
