just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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