the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
