Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
