Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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