Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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