True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
