my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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