I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
