So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
