it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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