Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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