Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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