My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
