he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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