If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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