Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your cock deserves a montage
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
