i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize