The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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