you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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