it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
