I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
