My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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