Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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