hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
