someone threw a dead crab at me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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