i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
