and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
