She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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