just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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