Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
