I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
