She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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