last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
