His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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