i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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