hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
