some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
