im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
