Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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