you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
