erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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