Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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