you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
