So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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