i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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